What’s Next: Facing My What’s Next
In my first few posts, I’ve shared thoughts on courage, self-understanding, and acceptance.
We all need these skills and others when we ask ourselves: What’s next?
But today, I want to step back and reflect on something more personal. Even when I talk about these skills, it doesn’t mean I’ve mastered them. I’ve been grappling with something I haven’t figured out yet: finding my path amidst the personas I’ve built and my expectations.
I’ve worn different hats for years—psychologist, author, advisor, coach, husband, and parent. Each of these identities has served me well in various ways. But lately, I’ve been asking myself, which of these personas is truly me? How do I reconcile the person who helps others with their next steps while I’m still figuring out what is most important to me?
One area I’ve been working on is “Reclaiming My Body,” which means that while I’ve always been reasonably fit, how can I ensure my functional health for the next ten years? It’s more than increasing my exercise or eating healthier. It’s about being more proactive about well-being. Sheila takes a bunch of vitamin supplements, and she is doing pretty well. Perhaps I should jump on her train?
On other matters, I feel an urgency to take action. That persistent voice asks, “Am I doing what would feed me, or am I merely following a comfortable path that no longer serves me?” I’ve realized that knowing what’s next for others doesn’t always translate into understanding what is next for me, which is why I have coaches and mentors.
This struggle isn’t easy to talk about. As someone who guides others, I’ve often been presented with a sense of certainty while recognizing that I might be faking it. One of my teachers once said, “Pretend anything and master it.”
But I’ve also learned that authenticity is where actual growth happens, and I hope that by sharing my challenge about not knowing exactly what to do, I can unburden that part of my life.
So, this is me letting go and acknowledging that I’m in a funky place right now and don’t have what feels like the correct answer—and that’s okay.
The first step for me has been to admit that this uncertainty is part of the process. It seems like I’ve been stuck overthinking “What’s Next?” Perhaps the next step is to be around more people—listening to their excitement, challenges, and stories. That energy and connection might help spark the clarity I’ve been searching for and help get me out of my head.
Just the other day, I had lunch with a former client. She was energizing as she told me about her “100 things to do before I’m 100” list. As she talked, I couldn’t help but feel inspired. Here she was, someone actively creating her roadmap, and it reminded me of the importance of having a sense of purpose. Her excitement about those 100 things—not monumental tasks, but things that fed her soul—was contagious. That conversation was a wake-up call for me: sometimes, clarity comes not from deep introspection but from hearing how others create their paths.
So, as I move forward, I’m committing to something simple: to step out of my head and into the world. I want to listen, connect, and engage with others in a way that shifts my focus from my uncertainties to the vibrancy of what’s happening around me. Maybe the clarity I seek isn’t found in solitude but in the shared experiences of those around me.
What’s Next for me might just be letting go of the need to have it all figured out and embracing the unknown with a bit more curiosity and more connections. And who knows, you may be getting a call.
You May Not Like This…
This past weekend, Sheila and I did something that not everyone might agree with—we canvassed for the candidate of our choice. We walked door-to-door, engaging with people from all sides of the political spectrum. The conversations were usually civil, even when we encountered differing views. No matter where people stood politically, I made it a point to be kind and respectful, which is as important as having strong convictions.
During our rounds, we were stopped by a woman taking her afternoon walk. When she asked what we were doing, I told her we were canvassing. Her response was immediate and sharp. She boldly declared that canvassing was illegal and that her neighborhood didn’t need our input because the people there were “smart enough” to make their own decisions.
I could have argued with her, but I chose to listen instead. After she finished, I calmly informed her that canvassing is protected under the First Amendment and entirely legal. She wasn’t happy with my response, and she stormed off, warning that she would call the police. I thanked her for letting me know her intentions, and Sheila and I continued.
A few minutes later, the woman returned. This time, her tone had shifted. She apologized for her earlier behavior, explaining that her frustration wasn’t really with us but with the broader political landscape. She had been upset by campaign sign theft and the general tension of the election season and had unfairly taken it out on us. She admitted that my politeness had made her realize there was no reason to lash out. In that brief exchange, her whole demeanor changed, and while I knew I hadn’t shifted her political views, I did leave the encounter with a sense that she no longer saw “the other side” as villains.
This moment made me reflect on something people said at a recent birthday party of mine. When asked to share my best qualities, nearly everyone in the room said, “Kindly.” I’ll admit, I was hoping they’d highlight something like “business acumen” or “wisdom,” but it seems that kindness is the trait that stands out most. Maybe it’s not what I’d always lead with, but this weekend showed me that it works. By staying calm and kind, I helped defuse someone’s anger—not just for my benefit but for hers.
Revolutionary Love
Last night, we had the privilege of attending a powerful presentation by Valarie Kaur and her Revolutionary Love Bus Tour. Valarie, the author of Sage Warrior, is a lawyer turned social activist. This new focus, for her, was catalyzed by the murder of a Sikh relative in Phoenix after 9/11.
Over the past two decades, she has evolved to guide us in addressing violence and injustice through compassion, inclusion, and what she calls “radical love.”
Last night’s immersive experience featured beautiful music, inspiring stories, and moving poetry, including the story of Guru Nanak, the founder of Sikhism, who faced, as you would imagine, significant challenges and injustices—the evening artfully led us through the affirming teachings of Guru Nanak in a way that felt both heartfelt and relevant. I knew little about Sikhism and found the stories shared during the presentation profoundly moving and enlightening.
Valarie’s Revolutionary Love Tour is a long-term campaign to foster more profound, more positive connections between people using the principles of love and empathy. She envisions this as a 40-year journey, not just a short-term project.
It was an inspiring evening filled with joy, wisdom, and deep connection. The tour (yes, there’s an actual bus!) heads to Philadelphia tonight, followed by Washington, D.C., on October 17th, with nine more stops before concluding in New Orleans on October 27th.
Last night, we got me thinking about how I apply love to my work and relationships. We talk about love often, but what behaviors truly reflect it daily? How do you manifest love in your work and life.
